Category Archives: life, the universe, and everything

Man assaults woman. She gets in trouble.

A man sits next to a woman on a plane. He spreads his legs, pressing them up against her. She complains. He tells her, “You’re a big girl.” She says, “Don’t fucking talk to me like that.” He grabs her arm and threatens, “I’m going to slap you in your mouth.”
Whom do you think gets lectured to at length by the flight attendant, laughed at, and threatened with removal from the plane for “attacking” another passenger, and forbidden to discuss the situation with other passengers? Would you believe she does?
How about if I tell you he’s white and she isn’t?

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Hmmm, that’s interesting.

Apparently, my comment sp@mmers are offering me links to pictures of garden implements. One even offered garden implements with cats. Intoxicated cats.
How can I ever resist? *deletes*

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Unwelcome Bodies, by Jennifer Pelland


This anthology contains several stories I really love, including “Big Sister/Little Sister,” “Captive Girl,” and “The Last Stand of the Elephant Man.” I’m sure I’ll love the others just as much.
Jennifer Pelland is made of awesome. Therefore, it’s only logical that her anthology will also be made of awesome. Go, click, buy. You know you want it!

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Winter Driving Advice for Southerners

Since Atlanta has decided to be freakish and have winter weather, and since I know I have readers from the frozen north, I thought I’d share my meager knowledge and hope for comments.

Snow:

When I was moving to Virginia, I asked my Mom for driving in the snow advice. (She’s from Michigan.) She said, “Just remember that you can never use your brakes, ever, for any reason, and you’ll be fine.” I interpreted this as meaning I should slow the fuck down and try to coast to a stop. It seemed to work. Do remember, however, that your fellow drivers may not have the benefits of my mother’s wisdom and avoid them accordingly.

Ice:

My mother’s advice times ten. If the ground is a solid sheet of ice you can’t walk on, stay home. No one can drive on that shit, and you don’t need eggs and milk that badly. Besides, they’re already sold out.

Visibility:

Bad visibility scares the crap out of me. If it’s slippery you can slow down, but if you can’t see, you can’t see.

Ice Scrapers:

These probably can’t be had south of the Mason-Dixon line. My mother always used a particularly hated credit card.

The floor is now open for comments, but please remember that we have no snow plows and our “sand trucks” are pickups with sand, shovels, and two DOT guys in the back.

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There are times when I love working for a college.

This is one of them. I was last at work on December 21. I’m not expected back until after New Year’s.
You may now hate me. 😉
Sadly, this is not ending up being insane amounts of writing and working out. But I had a very busy year, and probably need the rest. I’m doing things like watching Frida for the billionth time instead.
My cats are in stink heaven. They think I’ve finally come to my senses and realized that working thing is a terrible idea. Now, if I would just forget that writing business and spend less time on my laptop goofing off, all would be well. I should devote myself to them as is their due. In fact, a couple have velcroed themselves to each outer thigh, which is nice because they’re furry and warm.
Instead of writing, I’m pondering the impending death of my PDA, and whether or not I need a new cellphone. These are clearly burning issues that must be pondered at length. Clearly.
Right now, however, the burning issue is my bed, and how it’s managing without me.

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What we did for Nondenominational Winter Holiday.

I don’t know why, but I’m feeling down on secular Christmas this year. Perhaps it’s residual bad-taste-in-mouth from the lame, trumped-up “War on Christmas” crap from a few years ago. Maybe it’s that the S.O. and I are agnostic. Maybe it’s that several of my coworkers are Jewish, Muslim, or Pagan and I’ve been feeling like secular Christmas–that commercialized hell of Santa and Rudolph and buy now for only $19.99!–that allegedly makes Christmas something religious minorities can celebrate, too, just makes quite a few of them feel more left out.
That’s not the same thing as being down on religious Christmas, by the way. I don’t celebrate it, since I’m agnostic, but y’all have a Merry one if you are so inclined.
Now that all that’s out of the way…
You might assume that since my S.O. is a Physics major and I was all wifty liberal arts before accidentally falling into computers that he’d be more hard-core than I am. You’d be wrong. I’m the radical in the family. In fact, when we were discussing whether or not we would commit matrimony, I was talking about all the things I didn’t want: No God talk. No giving away the bride. No promises to obey, for fuck’s sake. And no rings–stupid enforced patriarchal capitalist bullshit. And then he started to sulk, because by $DEITY, my boy wants a ring. He doesn’t care if I wear one or not, but he wants one. He even showed me the matching ones he’d picked out. And then I sighed and relented on the grounds that the ones he picked were fairly cool and not expensive. But then we didn’t commit matrimony after all, hooray!
Um. Yeah. I’m not always an easy woman to live with. I also shriek with horror when the doctor’s office leaves me voicemail calling me “Mrs.” Seriously, it sounds like someone stomped on a squeaky rubber duck or something. Yeah, I digress. Moving right along.
Anyway. The S.O. is also more of a secular Christmas traditionalist. I suggested skipping it this year and he started to pout, so help me. Then I suggested an alternate celebration where we stand outside all night on the Winter Solstice, the longest night of the year, and shout, “Where’s the fucking sun?” He said that would make us wildly unpopular with the neighbors. Killjoy. We compromised by opening our gifts on the Winter Solstice, reserving the 25th for overeating.
You’ll note that I didn’t tell anyone not to buy me presents, though. I suppose my greed outweighs my general agnostic grumpiness. In fact, I’m already deciding what I want to spend my Mom’s Christmas check on, and considering a new cellphone. Merry Consumermas to you, too!
My Muslim coworker wished me a “Happy, um, winter vacation.” I couldn’t have said it better myself.

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Lakota secede from US

Oh. My. God.

WASHINGTON (AFP) — The Lakota Indians, who gave the world legendary warriors Sitting Bull and Crazy Horse, have withdrawn from treaties with the United States, leaders said Wednesday.

“We are no longer citizens of the United States of America and all those who live in the five-state area that encompasses our country are free to join us,” long-time Indian rights activist Russell Means told a handful of reporters and a delegation from the Bolivian embassy, gathered in a church in a run-down neighborhood of Washington for a news conference.

A delegation of Lakota leaders delivered a message to the State Department on Monday, announcing they were unilaterally withdrawing from treaties they signed with the federal government of the United States, some of them more than 150 years old.

They also visited the Bolivian, Chilean, South African and Venezuelan embassies, and will continue on their diplomatic mission and take it overseas in the coming weeks and months, they told the news conference.

I’m so excited, and a little bit anxious, and oh my God I love them for doing this.

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Woe is me!

Pity me, for I am a World of Warcrack widow.

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Dude, get some help.

Dear Jerk in the Red Pickup,
I admit it. I’m unsettled. Not so much by the fact that you tailgated us for over five miles, but that you did so ranting and huddling up in the corner of the cab with your fist over your forehead, hunching and swaying. If you really wanted around us there were two open lanes to your right. Since you didn’t pass us, I can only assume that on some level you enjoyed being oppressed by our driving the speed limit.
I think it’s time for new meds. Seriously.
By the way, I had my cellphone out to take pictures if you followed us to our destination, intending to spash them all over flickr to be used as evidence against you, if necessary. So I’m glad you didn’t go there, for both our sakes.
No Love,
Me

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What I did for Thanksgiving

What I did for Thanksgiving:

  • Tofurkey with brother-in-common-law et al.
  • Alice’s Restaurant.
  • Addams Family Values, with cheering during Wednesday’s speech.
  • Too. Much. Food!

Roll me to the car, I’m done!

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